Back to Work

I never appreciated breastfeeding so much as before and after my first 13 hour shift (2nd day of work) post-maternity leave.  The look on little Emelina's sweet face when she saw me melted my aching heart.  I thought she might nurse forever and never let go.  I honestly probably would've let her.  I can't even describe how hard it was to lay her down yesterday morning knowing I wouldn't pick her up again for 15 hours (ended up being 12 because Michael brought them to see me).

Annalyn was pretty excited to see me, too, but was more interested in picking out a sucker in the pharmacy and going potty on "Mommy's work potty."  Michael told her to tell me what she did today and she chose these super helpful words, "I woke up and mommy wasn't there and I cried because you went to work and I wanted to play with you."  Michael: "yea, I was going for 'I made you a pretty finger-painting,' but way to go, kid."  That kid has guilt down gooood!  Honestly, I'm not even sure if the crying story is true.  Our nanny said she did great.  

Don't get me wrong, I had a good day at work.  I got to see a lot of my favorite patients, show off pics of the girls, and catch up with coworkers.  I got to use my brain and enjoy working without all the pain/discomfort of pregnancy (always the coolest thing when I go back!). Twelve weeks is just too soon for this mama.  I know many people take way less, and I'm so glad we were able to take 12, but it just isn't long enough.  She's too little.  I'm too attached/nervous/clingy/jealous/worried. But we made through.   

Love you and miss you like crazy sweet babies!  Let's make our days off together count :)

Love,

Mama

PS - pumping is for the birds!  Not a big fan of that... Especially while running a retail pharmacy.  At least I have awesome techs, I suppose!

About Aboo: Emelina's 2 month update

Dearest Emelina,

It's hard to believe it, but my little Squishy is 2 months old already (actually a little over by the time I finished this).  At your appointment, you weighed 10 lbs. 10.5 oz. and were 23" long.   Even now, we are getting little glimpses of your developing personality.  You've started smiling and almost laughing lately.  You love your big sister, even if she does pick on you sometimes.  We've been working hard to put you down more, so you're starting to like your swing, and even just laying on a blanket and looking at toys.   Although most of the time you prefer to be held, facing out, and walking.

Sleep is our biggest challenge lately, since you greatly prefer sleeping on Mama to sleeping in your cradle.  We've worked up to a few hours at a time in the cradle, but there are just some nights that I need more than a couple little naps.  It's a work in progress, along with your daytime schedule.  I'm finding it harder to set your schedule because I've always fed you on demand.  Unlike a bottle fed baby, I don't really know how much you're getting at each feeding, so it's hard to say that you don't need to eat again an hour later when you ask.  Lately you've been taking at least one long morning and afternoon nap, which is nice.  All in all, it's still one big work in progress.  Welcome to life, Squish!

And yes, I still call you my Squishy, or Squishers, or just Squish.  Sorry, but it's sort of catching on, too.  All in love, baby, all in love.   

I mean, really! Look at that squishy little face!!

So far you've been to 6 states (IL, NE, MO, IA, OH, and obviously IN) and four zoos (Indy, Fort Wayne, Omaha, Decatur).  Not bad for your first two months of life!  You still despise your car seat which makes traveling rough, but honestly short trips are worse than long ones because you especially hate stopping.  We can't get you to consistently take a pacifier, but occasionally you will in the car.  You mostly like to clutch the bunny on the other end of the paci. 

Oh, and your hair!  As it gets even longer, it's starting to stick straight up just like your sister's did.  It's even crazier, though, because you have sooo much!  It's usually the first thing people notice and comment about you.  The second is your huge eyes.  

I left you with Grandma for the first time when you were 8 weeks old, and with your nanny just this week at almost 10 weeks old.  Honestly, it kills me.  I hate being away from you, even for an hour, but I've been forcing myself to slowly start leaving more so it's not as big of a shock here in a couple weeks when I go back to work.  Dreading that day...

I've successfully breastfed you exclusively so far, which is a huge accomplishment in my book!  It has been far from easy, but I'm glad I've been able to.  I worry about how going back to work will affect my supply, but you have no problem taking bottles, so that's at least promising.  I'm trying to remind myself that even if we have to supplement, it's not the end of the world.  I have no problem with formula, other than cost and all the bottle washing.  As much as you like to eat, I can't imagine you'll mind the switch.  It will be hard to give up some of the snuggle time though.

All in all, we are doing pretty well, Emma. Or at least trying really hard!  Every week gets a little easier and you just keep getting more fun.  Even though it scares me given her track record, I love watching you and Annalyn interact.  There's just something so special about seeing your kids loving on each other (as opposed to pulling/poking/hitting... Sorry, babe, we are working on it! At least I know you'll be tough.)

...a relationship built on love and mutual respect <note the sarcasm> 

Love you so much little Squishy!

All my love,

Mama 

About Aboo: 35 Week Reflection

Dear Emelina,

I know I haven't kept a detailed daily journal of every thought/feeling/symptom/measurement throughout the last 8 months, but I have tried to jot down the big milestones along the way through these posts.  Sure it's fun to look back at the journal I kept with Annalyn, but mostly because the second half of this pregnancy has been so similar.  Not just in measurements/weight, but also in how I'm feeling.  Luckily I've had a lot less swelling so far, but the irritability/frustration/pain is all the same.  In fact, I was reading through my old journal and almost to the day, had the same "epiphany" that I was so over working retail.  By the end of a 6 day stretch of working, on a 13 hour day, with no help and a line of 5 patients behind the one screaming at me for doing my job, I'd just about had it.  I hate feeling like a glorified cashier - maybe by the time you're old enough to read this, I'll be doing something super profound with my degree or community pharmacy will change enough that people respect us for what we are - drug experts.  But apparently, at 8 months pregnant, in a state of extreme discomfort and exhaustion, I am doomed to feel like I'm wasting my education.   Luckily, I have a lot of amazing patients who trust and value my opinion to no end.  They remind me what I love about community pharmacy - building professional and personal relationships and being extremely accessible to them any time they need it. 

It's stressful, it's tiring, and very frustrating at times.  If you're a working mother someday, you'll absolutely get it, Emma.  By then, I'll probably look back and say, oh, it wasn't so bad (I'll totally have all the answers by then, too, and your children will be perfect angels in my eyes).  But you'll have this to remind me that in that moment of my life, it was absolutely overwhelming.  Hopefully my older self will still be able to relate to you and remember how it felt, but if not, my 28 year old self will be here to tell you - yes, it wears on you.  Being a mother isn't ever easy, and a pregnant mother, which I'm experiencing for the first time with you, is even tougher.  I'm sure your dad will agree that it's no piece of cake for him either.  That's just a little snapshot of my week that I'd have written in a journal if I had been super diligent about doing so.

Let's see, what else can I tell you about my pregnancy with you....

- You were conceived on Friday the 13th and due on D-day.  Read what you will from that.  I do find it interesting that you, me, and Annalyn all had due dates on the 6th (mine 10/6, Anna's 3/6, yours 6/6).   

- I found out I was pregnant just days after your Uncle Trav and Aunt Mal's wedding.  I was really hoping to know before then, but it was just too soon.  Needless to say, I avoided all but a sip of champagne for a toast.  Daddy on the otherhand, not so much.  Probably because I'd been on Clomid which, I'll admit, made me kind of crazy.

- I had some heavy spotting on Grandma Cindy's birthday so I decided not to tell them I was pregnant that weekend because I was convinced that I was having a miscarriage.  At my first appointment the next week, we could see you, but not your heartbeat.  So I had to panic/pray for another week until we finally got to see that first little flicker.  Daddy and Annalyn were with me this time, too.

- I started throwing up about a week later, just a day or two after my birthday.  For my bday, I'd asked that we go to the apple orchard, then make homemade apple butter and raspberry jam (from our garden).  I haven't been able to eat either of them because the smell/thought still makes me nauseated. 

- Due to being so sick, then finally feeling better, then always starving, I've had quite a series of cravings/obsessions food-wise.  Some that I remember best:
--baked potatoes (first plain, then with yogurt butter and pepper, then with just a tiny bit of cheese),
--root beer and black cherry soda (somewhat short-lived but I was obsessed there for a couple weeks),
--bagels (first with cream cheese until I got sick on it, now with yogurt butter - still, almost every morning!),
--Cinnamon Toast Crunch (later craving, love eating it dry as a snack),
--tomatoes/cumumbers with cottage cheese/spinach,
--yogurt (greek yogurt mixed with ranch as veggie dip, then fruit yogurts with granola or fruit),
--red meat (mostly because poultry turned my stomach so badly),
--Amy's frozen bean and cheddar burritos,
--ice cream cones (in a cone, usually butter pecan or mint choc chip).

- This was the first year in a long time that I haven't made a turkey for Thanksgiving (couldn't even think about it), but I was able to eat a little bit of it... though it didn't stay down for long.  I also didn't make sugar cookies or cinnamon rolls for Christmas.  Instead, Annalyn and I made chocolate chip cookies with red/green M&M's and Daddy made beef stew.  I think Santa was ok with it.

- We found out just before my family's Christmas that you were a girl (via the Progenity DNA test).  I let Annalyn tell everyone through a video I'd taken of her earlier that week.  Grandma Cindy didn't catch on right away, mostly because we didn't tell anyone we were getting the test done, so they weren't expecting the reveal until our u/s later in January.  I told Daddy the same way since Annalyn was sleeping when he got home and he couldn't wait until she woke up to tell him herself.

-  We got to see you on ultrasound exactly 9 years from our first date (also 7.5 years after our wedding).  That was really special for us, and although we didn't get great pics of you, you were so sweet to watch.  You kept putting your little hands up by your face and snuggling.  It was adorable.  I couldn't see you super clearly to tell who you look like - with Annalyn, I swore she was going to come out looking like Daddy - it's all in the forehead.  I can't wait to see what you'll look like.  I know you'll change over and over as you get older, but I'm dying to hold you and look down at your little face.  And test the old wive's tale that heartburn = hair.

-  I get insanely angry/defensive when people say things like "well, hopefully this one will be a boy" or "I guess you'll have to have at least one more to get that boy."  As if my girls are some kind of consolation prize.  I tell ya, people can be so rude!

-  Before birth, you and Annalyn already have 5 different matching outfits.  Not because I'm hoping you'll be exactly alike - I know you'll be your own little person, but there's something so sweet/fun about little girls in matching outfits.  Aunt Lindsey and I went through it without too much emotional damage.  Granted we didn't think it was so much fun at the time, but she was the first one to buy you girls matching dresses. 

-  You are a very active baby and I feel you throughout the day everyday.  Up until this week, I swear you've been doing baby yoga in there and I have to constantly "encourage" you not to stretch your little legs up into my ribs.  Sometime around 34 weeks, I feel like you've started to drop though.  I'm finally getting some relief from the heartburn, and I can take a deep(ish) breath again, but there's a lot more pressure on my hips/pelvis.  Even your little hiccups (which are almost always in the middle of the night) feel a lot lower to me.  At my last appointment, they said you seemed to be head down, so maybe you're just a planner like Mama and getting ready.  As long as you stay in and cook for a few more weeks, fine by me.

-  Your heartbeat has consistently been in the 150's.  It's always very strong and easy to find, but you do like to show off and kick and move around when the doctor's using the Doppler machine.  At least you don't seem to attack it like big sis used to.  Maybe you'll be a milder mannered little lady... but then again, you are half Daddy, half me.

-  I'm even more impatient this time, mostly because of all the people having babies this past month.  In addition to Facebook friends, there are 4 little girls on my mom's side all due within 5 months, and all but you are here now!  Three of us also have girls within 6 months of Annalyn, but last time, I was the first one due.  Plus I know what's coming this time - with Annalyn there was a lot of scary nervousness, too, like "wow, we're going to be parents!"  That being said, I also feel more prepared - we already have everything we need, including some frozen meals and a meal train that Shawna set up to have people bring us meals during your first month.  We're even going to get our double stroller this weekend, and my hospital bag is nearly packed.  I've even located all my pump parts and bottles in case we have the same breastfeeding struggles.

-  Everyone thinks I'm bigger this time and that you're going to be a lot bigger, but the truth is, we're almost identical in size to what Annalyn and I were.  You very well could be bigger at birth, but more likely due to the fact that Annalyn was nearly 3 weeks early.  My prediction is that you'll be a Memorial Day-ish baby (week to 10 days early).  Our Indy friends keep trying to plan to take Daddy to the Indy 500, because they think it'd be hilarious if I went into labor while he was there.  I have a little bit different sense of humor at the moment and beg to differ...

-  At 35 weeks, we still haven't completely decided on your middle name, but I keep coming back to Mae.  I just think it's pretty, simple, and classic.  Which goes perfectly with your first name. 

-  For the past two weeks, I wake up almost every night, go to the bathroom, and get a drink because I've had Braxton Hicks contractions.  I've had them off and on for several weeks now, but more regularly lately.  Once again, Mama's a planner - just getting ready.   Between that, your late night hiccups, my increasing body temperature, and your sister's aversion to bedtime lately, I've been one tired mama!  Once again, I guess that's just getting me ready for life with a newborn.

And that's my pregnancy up to 35 weeks in a nutshell!  Sure, not as detailed as a daily journal, but days by this point are just me complaining about my latest ache/pain/annoyance anyway.  Hoping these last 5 weeks go super quickly, as well as labor/delivery (I figure it doesn't hurt to hope, right?).  Almost there, baby girl!  Love you like crazy.

Love,

Mama

About Aboo: 30 weeks!

My dearest Emelina,

Well, kiddo, we're in the homestretch now!  Made it to the 30's and feeling pretty good about it.  Hard to believe that you'll be here in about 2 months (maybe less if you're impatient like Peanut!).  Sometimes I think I'm the only one who realizes how close we're getting.  The idea of June just seems so far away on cold, dreary days like this one (though I still have my doubts that you'll make it all the way til June, my guess is maybe around Memorial Day).  I don't have too many stats to report, but I did remember to ask Dr. Stevens for my belly measurement at this week's appointment.  She said we are measuring right on track at 29 cm (should be within a couple cm of the # of weeks, so 28-32ish at this point).  My weight it almost identical to this point with Annalyn, and all our 28 week blood tests came back normal.  Your heart rate was in the 150's this week and you even got feisty and kicked at the Doppler. 

I've been wearing the support belt any time I'm doing a lot of walking/standing which seems to help, though I've had a hard time leaving it on for 13 hours straight.  For whatever reason, I don't like the big elastic waistbands or anything tight around my waist this pregnancy.  Good thing these last couple months are in the spring so I can wear dresses/skirts!  Grandma Cindy even found me some super comfy, stretchy shoes that work with dresses/skirts for work (at least while pregnant - you can only be so stylish with closed toed, no heel, comfy enough to wear for 14 hours a day shoes).  I can tell I'm getting close to the end because my white coat won't button, my patience is waning, and I'm always hungry.  On the plus side, I don't have any swelling in my hands, feet, or legs even after my 13 hour days (knock on wood!). 

What I do have is a major sweet tooth lately!  This is not usual for me, and even with my last pregnancy, most of my cravings were for salty/sour foods (probably why your big sis eats lemons like they're oranges - I agree, it's weird.  You can help me make fun of her for it someday).  Makes it very hard when I'm at work and have a whole grocery store full of food at my disposal.  But never fear, I emailed a friend for some healthy snack ideas to help get us through between meals.  I'm bound and determined not to go super crazy since I hope to go back on Weight Watchers this summer.  But, for the record and nostalgia's sake, we've really enjoyed butter pecan ice cream cones, cantelope (a healthy sweet at least!), decaf carmel macchiatos, oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, and tiramisu these past few weeks.  Also, this parmesan cheese covered in black pepper, but that doesn't really fit the sweet tooth pattern...

You're still kicking like crazy and I keep telling Daddy that you're going to be tall because it feels like you're running out of room already.  I feel you stretching a lot lately and have to encourage you to save baby yoga for when you come out because my ribs just can't expand anymore.  I've started getting out of breath easily as all my organs are squished up making room for your acrobatics. Still having some trouble with my hips/legs/sciatic nerves but I think that's just par for the course for me.  Daddy laughs at me when I can't climb into bed at night after a long day, and heckles me for struggling to turn over at night.  Needless to say, he's had to go rescue Annalyn the couple times she's fallen out of bed this week.  Those fun leg cramps have started in my calves at night, too.  But nothing this mama can't handle!

Let's see, what else is new around here... Well, we are in the process of hiring a new nanny since Michaela told us she's accepting a full time position in May.  It's been a big, BIG stress added this past month, but fingers crossed,  I think we've found someone who will be the perfect fit for you and Annalyn.  After meeting her and talking with a couple references, we both have pretty high hopes.  It's even harder this time for a couple reasons.  First of all, we will be leaving a 3 month old baby instead of a 6 month old.  Annalyn's birthday was nicely timed so that Daddy had her for the whole summer after my 12 week maternity leave, so she wasn't with a nanny until her half birthday.  Although we are super excited to have the whole summer off together (maybe the only time all of us will ever be off for the entire summer!), it will be hard that both of us will be starting back to work around the same time.  Aside from that, we're leaving two kids, knowing that our nanny's time will be split between you, and it won't be someone we really know that well.  I'm planning to have her come a few times over the summer to get to know us all better, so hopefully that will put all our minds at ease.  I hope that by the time you can read this, you will look back and say, "Geez, Mom, how did you ever doubt/worry about her?  She's the best nanny ever!"  Hey, a mama can hope, right?

Another big step for our family this week - Daddy and I attended a new member orientation at a church we've been attending a little lately.  Although we can only really go every other week with my work schedule, we've decided it's time for us to have a church home and community for our growing family. We're hoping to become official members in a couple weeks, and probably even baptize you there this summer.  They have tons of kids (in fact, 1/4 of the their members are under 18!), and a lot of Sunday school, preschool, and nursery options for little ones.

Wow, I guess I had more to report than I thought.  Big month for us, baby girl!  Most importantly, we're healthy, happy, and growing.  What more can we really hope for?  Anxiously awaiting your arrival (I even bought your baby book last weekend!).  Love you like crazy.

Love,

Mama

PS - this may be the coolest bump pic ever.  It definitely rivals Annalyn's 18 week bump pic with Pooh.  If you happen to attend Butler someday, it will definitely win :)

Maternity Photos: What My Girls Have Taught Me About Self-Image

Maternity or bump photos have become a pretty common part of pregnancy these days, designed to help celebrate and commemorate pregnancy.  Many mamas enjoy an excuse to dress up and take pictures to celebrate the belly.  Others dread being in front of a camera, but decide to take a few anyway so they can look back and remember what it felt like to have that precious little person growing inside them.  Or just to show the kids what they did to our bodies and hold it over their heads forever (we do get to do that, right?).  Personally, I have absolutely loved having my friend, Shawna, take these pictures for me with both my pregnancies.  (Because who better to capture an intimate moment than your BFF?)

 

With Annalyn, I remember wanting to capture all the excitement and impatience we were feeling waiting for our first born.  I waited until I had a pretty huge 34 week belly and could barely get my rings on due to the swelling and water retention.  And exactly 3 weeks later, she was born.  I love looking back at those pictures and remembering the suspense, struggles, and wonder of those last 3 weeks.  Even the swollen fingers/ankles, chubby cheeks, and love handles can't undo the beauty in those pictures. 

About Aboo: Halfway Point - Ultrasounds, Newfound Hunger, and Naming

Dear Emelina,

Here we are, halfway through our journey until we meet!  The last couple weeks have been a rollercoaster of finally feeling good enough to eat "real food" again, then getting strep throat and a sinus infection to make me feel awful again.  But here we are at week 20 - healthy, happy, and hungry!  Unlike your big sis who had me craving chocolate milk and mustard (not together), you have me wanting yogurt, Mexican food, and Skyline chili.   To this day, Annalyn is obsessed with mustard (as in eats Dijon and yellow mustard with a spoon) and loves hot cocoa, so I wonder if you will be a yogurt and salsa lover.  Guess we will just have to wait and see!  Some of my favorite snacks lately have been Chobani plain Greek yogurt mixed with ranch seasoning as veggie dip and strawberry yogurt with homemade granola (this definitely helps with the crazy bad heartburn stage I've hit, too.  Hoping it means you'll have lots of hair like sis!).  I also finally gave in and am trying to reincorporate chicken into our diet (starting with this ciabatta chicken sandwich).  Later this week, we're also having some friends over for a Mexican food feast, so I'm thinking you'll love it.  It's definitely the start of my favorite part of pregnancy!

Even more exciting than food, this week we get to see you at our 20 week ultrasound!  I absolutely can't wait.  With Annalyn we were so anxious to find out gender at this ultrasound, but with you, we get to just sit back and enjoy watching you jump around (which you're doing more and more, especially at night).  Daddy's still waiting for when he can feel you kick from the outside - not quite yet, but I suspect we're getting closer.  I'm hoping we can see some of what you look like - with Annalyn's ultrasound I could tell a few things, like she was tiny and had Daddy's forehead.  Most of all, it's always super comforting to see my little ladies safe, sound, and growing like crazy!

About Aboo: Gender Reveal!!

Thanks to modern technology, we were able to find out the gender of our little one earlier than if we'd had to wait for the mid-pregnancy ultrasound.  I had decided not to until I discussed it with my doctor, realized my insurance paid for at least part of it, and just couldn't help but want to know!  Basically the test works by analyzing fetal DNA that crosses the placenta into the mother's blood stream (it's a simple blood draw, completely non-invasive to baby - read about it here).  It's able to screen for numerous genetic/chromosomal abnormalities as well as X/Y (gender) with extremely high accuracy (>99%).  But that's enough of the science lesson for today... back to my kiddos!

As I've mentioned before, Annalyn has decided that tummy baby's name is Aboo or sometimes just Boo.  We've decided to go with a name we've loved for a long time, but figure it will make one cute nickname!  Annalyn was very excited when I told her baby Aboo's gender, so I decided to let her break the news to everyone:

 

 

We couldn't be more excited to meet our little one this spring.  Feeling so blessed to have another healthy baby in the making!

Dear Baby: Week 14

Dear Baby,

Well, we are officially onto the second trimester!  So feel free to stop the nausea and hurling at any time now.  For some reason, my kids never seem to get that memo...  Mama is definitely starting to show, which seems crazy this early.  I also swear I have started feeling you move already.  Call me crazy, but at night when I'm laying super still, I can feel those first little flutters low in my abdomen.  According to BabyCenter, you're about the size of a lemon now.   Bye-bye seeds and legumes, on to the fruit comparisons!

Daddy and I have already started daydreaming about what you'll be like.  We wonder if you'll be as strong-willed and active as big sis, or more laid back and chill.  We still don't know your gender, so we have a lot of room to speculate on that, too.  I think we've picked out the names either way (definitely if you're a boy), so as soon as we know we can stop calling you tummy baby and start getting used to your name.  I just can't wait for that!  Call us crazy, but we like to name our little tummy babies as soon as we can.  You are already a little person and a part of our family, so we like to treat you as such.  I even have the main part of your stocking ready, just waiting to see if I'll be putting red or blue felt at the top for next Christmas (so your mama plans ahead a little). 

Let me think, what other milestones have we hit?  Well, we announced your existence to the world just before Thanksgiving, that's a big one.  Everyone's excited to meet you this Spring and see how Peanut deals with being a big sister.  Don't worry, we have high hopes that she won't toss you around like her baby dolls.  To be fair, she does kiss/hug them first.  Oh, and I can no longer button my pants, despite the fact that I've lost weight.  On to the elastic for us, kiddo!  Looking forward to lots and lots more milestones in the coming months and years.

Love you like crazy,

Mama

a beautiful snowy morning,

just 6 more months until your due date!!

Dear Baby: Week 10

11/8/13:

Dear Baby,

We are a fourth of the way there!  Getting so close to the end of the dreaded first trimester and time to tell the world of your existence.  Still not feeling great, but honestly starting to feel better already! (A big change from your sister where a threw up til week 24... hoping this is a good sign.)  We've had 3 ultrasounds now, and the last two we've been able to see/hear your heartbeat, which is one of my favorite parts of pregnancy.  I can't wait until you're big enough to use my stethoscope to listen in.  I feel like I'm already starting to show a little (partially from the bloating thanks to supplemental progesterone and pregnancy itself, but also probably your expanding home.)  I can't believe how much different my second pregnancy is - I assume this means you will be different, too, as most siblings are.  No major feelings one way or another as far as your gender, but anxious to find out already.  The last ultrasound (at about 9 weeks) was a fun one - you're looking more like a little baby already (or more accurately a gummy bear) and wiggled around for me to see.  Very comforting for a nervous mama.  This week we've officially told most of our family and a few close friends, which is starting to make it feel more real.  Everyone is thrilled to meet you.  "Uncle" Jeff and Derek's prediction is that you will come during the Indy 500 around Memorial Day and it will be an even better story than Daddy being at Moe & Johnny's when my water broke with Annalyn (even though Daddy's never gone to the 500 with them, they are still hopeful!).  I don't know about that, but feel free to come a little early like big sis - it sure made for an easier delivery.

This pregnancy is so much different than the first.  For one, I feel pretty darn good during the day (as long as I eat constantly) but awful as soon as night sets in.  I'm sleeping great (partially due to the Diclegis for nausea which contains doxylamine, an antihistamine similar to Benadryl).  Daddy's hoping this means you're a boy, but I just can't decide.  Most people that know me are saying boy, but we have some girl votes, too. We will find out soon enough I suppose.  Just keep growing and developing and becoming the amazing little person we look forward to meeting next spring and we will be happy, proud parents.  It's funny how much I've connected with you already.  I talk to you in the car, I dream about you and what you'll be like (in between the hilarious and slightly embarrassing dreams about eating filet mignon, mostly because it's near impossible to cook one well done and I know this).  Not too many cravings yet, but more like I try something that works and stick with it for awhile until it "doesn't work."  For a couple weeks it was Jimmy John's BLTs, yesterday it was Thai sweet and sour chicken, the last week it was Lean Cuisine frozen paninis.  Good thing I work in a grocery store with lots of options! 

Much the same as with Annalyn, I LOVE being pregnant.  Despite the nausea, constipation, exhaustion, emotional craziness, etc., I've never felt better about myself.  The sense of purpose, the realization of the amazing miracle happening inside me, the anticipation of getting to meet you and becoming a family of 4 - all of it thrills me.  Daddy says he can't wait until my belly is huge and he can feel you move.  That's what really makes it real for him.  In the meantime, Daddy is my saving grace.  I can't believe how much he's picked up the slack around the house while I've been sick.  Please thank him for that someday when you're old enough to understand. 

Big Sis calls you "tummy baby" and loves to hug, kiss, and pat-pat my belly.  I can tell my belly's getting bigger because as soon as I take my coat off after work, she points and runs over to greet "tummy baby."  We're hoping this is a good sign and that she'll be excited to embrace her new role as Big Sister.

I guess that's really all I have to report for now.  Love you like crazy, little bean.

Love,
Mama

Dear Baby: Week 6/7

10/10/13:
Dear Baby,

Although I won't be posting this for awhile, I figured today was the perfect day to start writing to you.  This afternoon I have my first OB appointment and ultrasound.  I'm a crazy hormonal mix of excited, nervous, nauseous (oh so nauseous!  Thanks for that...), and anxious as I sit on the couch eating salty potato chips (don't judge, if it keeps me from hurling all morning and being dehydrated, it's better than nothing).  Your big sister is still sleeping and I'm just daydreaming about what I'll get to see this afternoon.  After a spotting scare last week, I still have my reservations about getting too excited, but at the same time, I can't help but hope.  With full blown nausea starting this week (over a week earlier than it did with Annalyn), I'm actually hopeful that all is well.  Between you and me, I actually have a strange feeling that you might be twins (yikes!), but only time will tell. Your dad doesn't get to come to the appointment today because it's the last day of his semester at school.  We are both bummed, but he's made me promise to text him updates constantly.  We are both so excited for you. Well, your big sis is waking up, so this letter will have to be a quick one.  Hoping to see you later, little heartbeat and all.  Love you already sweet baby.

Love,

Mama

10/11/13:
Dear Baby,

Well, the ultrasound came and went but not much to report.  The general consensus was that 5 weeks 6 days is just too early to see much (although that's the exact day I saw Annalyn's heartbeat for the first time).  I guess you're going to be more like Daddy and do things on your own time.  Might be a good thing to have one less type A personality in this house anyway.  The doctor says everything looks good for being this far along and scheduled another ultrasound for next week, so hoping to see more then.  As for my twin premonition, well, I wasn't exactly right.  They did see what looked to be a second gestational sack, but nothing was developing in it, so looks like you're going it alone (at least til you're born and meet your big sis).  Mama is in full blown morning/afternoon/night/all day long sickness which is just super.  It's so much harder this time because I can't just lay in bed all day on my days off.  Once again, Pizza Lunchables seem to get me through (at least today) - gross, I know but hey, it's better than hurling all day on an empty stomach.  (Today was my first official puke, too.  Ah, your first milestone!)  Aside from that and the emotional swings (which I totally blame on Glee's tribute to Cory Monteith - again, showing my guilty pleasure/girly side), I'm doing ok.  Still hopefull that all is well and you're growing as you should.  I feel like the extreme nausea is a good sign right now.  No strong feelings as far as your gender yet, but I really didn't with Annalyn either.  My prayers are wasted on things like healthy, happy, and whole instead of blue or pink, so focusing on that.  Love you like crazy.

Mama

10/17/13:

Dear Baby:

Today we were sooo excited to see your tiny heartbeat for the first time.  Daddy and Annalyn came along and they got to see/hear it, too. (Not that there's much to see at just under 7 weeks, but a beating heart was music to my ears).  We love you like crazy.  Still super sick - looks like you're going to be more like your big sis than I thought.

Love,

Mama