The only thing better than drinking wine in your wedding dress with your BFF...

Yes, I'm still a huge Friends fan.  And yes, I still fantasize about whipping out my wedding dress on a random Friday night, sitting on the couch, and drinking wine with Shawna.  But, the odds of us 1. having a night alone to drink wine, and 2. fitting into our pre-baby 8-10 years ago dresses are, well.... let's just say we don't get much time alone.


But back to the only thing to do with your old wedding dress that's more fun than that....

Letting your little girls try it on!

Talk about excited kiddos!  I realized the other day that I'd never actually shown them my dress.  In fact, I hadn't opened it once since having it preserved in a box to be stored in my closet these past 10 years.  Since 20 year old Michael told me when we got married that we could renew our vows and do fun stuff like taking anniversary pictures in our wedding attire IF I could still fit into it (he said with a laugh and very little apparent faith), I couldn't help but break it out to test the theory.  You see, we have our first big milestone anniversary this summer and I'm plotting a pretty snazzy anniversary shoot, just to prove to 20 year old Michael it can be done. (side note - I'm shockingly close to getting it zipped!)


These two, on the other hand, had to be clipped and cinched in and still basically had to hold it up to stay on.  But they didn't care.  Give a girl a tiara and a giant sparkly dress and she is happy!  Annalyn kept saying that she felt like a princess and a "wedding girl" and didn't want to take it off.  She looked so pretty and grown up and I couldn't help but hope that she will want to wear my dress someday (not that I would blame her for wanting her own.  After all, I do have a backup daughter...)



Planning to have this one framed to give to her some day. 

Like when she's 35.

Emelina chose this special moment to try out all her funny faces.  She spanned just about every silly, happy expression she could muster.  She had a harder time holding it up and the clip I used wasn't holding as well for her since there was more fabric overlapping.  But she got to be "Cinderella" for awhile, too.  I just love how her personality is developing lately!

At some point, just fell over and was eaten by tulle.

Then came this precious, classic Emma face:

And this sweet baby:

I used some of the pictures to make a collage mug for Michael.  I intended to keep it for his birthday, but I was too excited to show him the pictures to not give it to him when it came.  All in all, it was a sweet little Friday afternoon experience and we all enjoyed a little walk down memory lane to the day when Mama got to dress like a princess and marry her prince.  Even if I have to share him with these little princesses.

To be continued...

in 30+ years...

when/if we let them out of their towers...

Dear Grandma, Goodbye

Friday 3/25/16

Dear Grandma,


I have been trying to figure out how to write a tribute to you, but I can't seem to get it right.  How can I describe in words what you mean to me and to all of us?  I am sure going to miss writing to you and receiving your beautifully written, perfectly conversational letters.  I keep re-reading them and every time it feels like you're right beside me telling me the stories.  You had such a gift with words.


You would've loved your funeral, Grandma.  Mom and Aunt Kathy did a great job planning it.  The flowers were bright, cheery, and smelled like Spring.  There were lots of pinks and purples and they really brought out the rose gold of the casket your kids unanimously picked.  The pastor did a wonderful job, too.  I can see why you liked her so much at South Haven.  She has a beautiful singing voice and I could just picture you singing along to the words of "Amazing Grace."  She wrote an acrostic using the word CHEER to tell your story, and it was very honest, sweet, and fitting.  I wish I could remember what all of the letters stood for.  I know the C had a few words: creative, clever, and caregiver.  The H was for honesty.  One of the E's was energetic.  But I can't seem to recall the rest.  It was so hard to hang on to her words when I was so desperately trying to hang on to you.  There were stories to go along with most of them and every single one painted a perfect picture of the woman we all knew and loved. 


After that, she opened it up for anyone that wanted to share a memory, and although I wanted to share a bit of my favorite letter from you, I just couldn't pull it together long enough to do it.  I shared it with some of the family later that weekend at Kathy's house and we all agreed - it felt like having you right there beside us.  I especially loved the story that your honorary sister/best friend, Deanne, shared about coming to see you and being scared when you and Randy took off running out the front door and down the road.  When she caught up to you in her car and asked what was wrong, you simply replied, "Oh, nothing, I's just racing Randy."  What I wouldn't give to see that!


That day was so cold outside compared to what it had been the week or two before, and when we went to the cemetery, it even snowed.  I like to think that you were up there chatting away with Mother Nature and she let you "press the buttons" to see how it all worked.  But maybe that's just the little piece of your creativity and imagination left in me.  My Annalyn sure has some of that in her. You wouldn't believe the stories and songs that little girls makes up.  I'll have to make a note to remind Mom to teach her your infamous purple plums song.


Before we came back home, we stopped by your house one last time, since I'm assuming it will be sold by the time we come back again.  It's hard to imagine someone else living in it after all these years.  Everyone laughed when I told them I took a rock from the backyard, but I knew you'd approve.  I have no way of knowing, but I'd like to think it's one of the rocks you carried on your lap on the back of the motorcycle on your way back from one of your travels.  Either way, it's pretty, it's pink, and it was yours.  That makes it a treasure in my book!  Plus it reminds me of all the walks we took around Colon collecting all the prettiest purdiest rocks along the gravel roads.  I bet there are some beautiful roads for you and Grandpa to walk along up in Heaven.  I know how happy he must be to have you with him again. 


We will always miss you guys, but we rejoice knowing that God is always right beside you, and us, and that you are together again.  Nobody wanted to see you hurting and unable to breathe.  What a relief it must have been for you to take your last painful, labored breath here on Earth, and have it followed by your first deep, cleansing breath in Heaven.  I love you so much, Grandma, and I hope I can live to be someone you'll be proud to watch over everyday.


Love you forever and ever,


Ashley

Always Right Beside You

Although I've never had the luxury of living down the road from my grandma, or even a couple hours down a highway like my kids do, I've built and maintained a pretty special relationship with my mother's mother.  She's the one who taught me that no baking session is complete without a host of brightly colored aprons and no recipe worth knowing is worth writing down.  Let's be honest, most of Grandma's recipes are a dash and a pinch and a splash and a taste... and completely impossible to reproduce exactly.  That's why we love them.

Beyond our shared love of cooking, Grandma also shared with me her love of writing, photographing, and sharing memories.  My grandpa built her a special bookcase just to hold all of her photo albums with pictures from their travels.  My guess is that she would've loved blogging!

Around the time I got married, I started a box to keep all of the handwritten letters my grandma's sent me.  I am so glad that I did (and wish I'd started sooner).  I love reading and rereading those letters, written in Grandma's perfect handwriting.  I especially appreciate all the little newspaper clippings, recipes, etc. that she sent to let me know she was thinking of me.  Of all the gifts, her words are what I value the most and will miss more than anything. 

With this in mind, I searched Etsy for the perfect way to honor that gift.  I'd seen several different types of jewelry made from loved ones' handwriting and started sifting through the letters I'd collected for the perfect word or phrase.  I had several good options, but unlike many people who make these to honor deceased loved ones, I realized that I could just ask her.  I didn't tell her what it was for, just asked her if she would write down the one word, phrase, or thought that she would have me carry with me always.  Being known for her windy story telling, I knew one word would never be enough, but the advice was heartfelt and perfect.

Once I had the message, I decided which words I wanted to use:  always right beside you.  I thought this perfectly captured the message of Grandma's words.  Always - not just when we need Him most, not sometimes, ALWAYS.  Right beside you - not watching over, or there for you, but RIGHT BESIDE YOU like a friend, a companion, a parent, a guide.  As always, Grandma's words were perfect.  For me, the bracelet has a double meaning - Grandma's original message, but also that she (and her words) are always right beside me.  It's her words, in her handwriting, right there on my wrist every time I look down and need to see them. 

The Etsy shop that I chose for the bracelet was Caitlin Minimalist.  I liked that she gave the ability to have more than one line of wording, it was slightly curved, and had an attractive chain (I really like the little feather charm on the clasp, too).  She was great to work with, shipped quickly, and the handwriting was a pretty perfect match.  I made two others for my mom and sister and all three came out almost identical.  So far, I've been wearing my bracelet almost daily for about a month and haven't had any issues.  I wear it more to work than at home since we've been doing some house projects and I was a little concerned about breaking it.

The past year has been a tough one for Grandma, as she's battled worsening pulmonary fibrosis. It has been incredibly hard to watch, knowing how uncomfortable she is. It's been especially hard not being able to go see her lately since my vacation is set way in advance and I don't always get the weeks I request. Our words and letters and pictures have been all we've had to stay connected. I am forever grateful that my Aunt Kathy drove her out to our new house last year right after we moved in. I got to show her our house, our town, and walk her around our property (taking lots of pictures, of course). That memory, along with so many others, is and will always be just where I need it - right beside me. 

Chocolate Covered Strawberry Cone Cakes

This recipe combines two, well three, of my favorite desserts into one yummy, kid-friendly, creation.  Strawberry mini cupcakes baked into mini ice cream cones, dipped in chocolate, and covered in sprinkles.  The best part is that the chocolate hardens, making storage a breeze.  Plus, they are tiny enough not to ruin your summer-is-right-around-the-corner diet.  Take a look at how Mama makes these beautiful little cone cakes:

Chocolate Covered Strawberry Cone Cakes

Ingredients: (makes 42 mini cones)

- 1 box strawberry cake mix

- 1 c. water

- 1/2 c. oil

- 3 eggs

- 1 (42 ct.) package mini ice cream cones

- 1 package semi-sweet or dark chocolate chips

- sprinkles of your choice

Peanut Post: Annalyn's 4 year update

I know I always say things like "no way is my baby that old" or "wow, time flies" when your birthdays come around, but this year, it really feels right for you to be four.  Maybe because you're in preschool now, or because your sister is seeming so much older, or maybe because I just feel old enough to have a kid. Not a baby, not a toddler, but a kid.  Or it could be that these past couple months have been so rough between your massive daily fits and the start of Emma's "terrible two's" (because our kids are super advanced in the fit-throwing department), that it seems like time is suddenly crawling and you should be about 8 by now.  Whatever the reason, I am happy to celebrate another year of Annalyn.

This year has, once again, brought a lot of changes for you.  Shortly after your third birthday, we moved from the only home you'd ever known and into what we hope will be the house you grow up in.  We moved away from your little friends/neighbors, away from easy access to Target *gasp* and Trader Joe's *gasp* (two of your former favorite places), and far away from Mama's work store (no more weekly visits).  You love our huge yard, our garden, and our new house (though for a long time you said you missed are old one).  You were sad to leave your swing set, the big quiet streets of our old neighborhood, and your old room.

But, surprisingly enough, you adjusted very well.  You made new friends on our street, got a big girl bike, and started preschool in August (which was tough at first, since you'd never been dropped off anywhere, but now you LOVE it).   A lot of other milestones came as you got closer to age 4 and you got to attend the Yuletide Celebration for the first time, see your first play (A Charlie Brown Christmas), and perform in your first preschool Christmas program.

Shortly after Christmas, we (you) talked Daddy into getting us a kitten that you named, Oria (which means "golden" in Italian, appropriately enough).  She's a 6 month old Savannah cat and you adore her.  After you and Emma helped me decorate her castle, you discovered that she likes it better if her bed and towel are up in it.  Oria will sleep for hours after you tuck her in her little bed.  You are learning how to be gentle, not spook her, and get her food and water.  She adores you as long as you aren't screaming or running at her.

As an alternative to the ballet classes you've been asking for, you started gymnastics once a week in January.  As your instructor pointed out, you always have a huge smile on your face and love every minute of it.  We laughed so hard at how literal you take all of their instructions.  When they told you to run on the line, you practically tip-toed making sure every single step was completely on. the. line.  Hilarious.  Being the good, super competitive parents we are, we make painter's tape lines all over the house to teach you how to run along the lines.  I am proud that you are very focused on achieving good form, though.  You're favorite part is swinging from the big rope into the foam pit at the end of every class. I'm also looking forward to signing you up to play tee-ball this spring.

For your birthday this year, Aunt Lindsey and I are redecorating your bedroom since we haven't really touched it since we moved in and it's a hideous yellow color.  I found this adorable bedding set, and against my better judgement, even ordered the coordinating sheets with ballerina fairy princesses riding on unicorns.  Seriously? Does it get any girlier?  But I'm pretty sure you will love it.  Aunt Lindsey painted some new wall art, and we even painted castles on the walls.  I finally got around to refinishing an antique vanity into a little desk for your room, and topped it off with a super girly canopy.  I can't wait to see your reaction after the big reveal!

At your request, I am constructing a volcano cake for your birthday.  You've always had a huge imagination, and your current made up world is called "Volcano Valley" where you and your two cheetah babies, Lizzie and Jezabeth, live.  Lizzie is an ornery little cheetah who is always batting at lava and getting into all sorts of shenanigans.  I'm not real sure where your volcano obsession comes from, but it's at the top of your list of places to go on vacation even. So we weren't at all shocked at your sudden change from princess-of-the-week-cake to volcano cake.  And when you have science nerds for parents, it's going to erupt (or at least smoke with dry ice, we went back and forth about cool but still edible, and what would make the best looking lava).

Though you've been extremely challenging/frustrating/maddening for us with your erratic behavior, your preschool teacher tells me "you're perfect and wouldn't dream of throwing a fit." She says you are super social and get along well with all the kids in your class.  You have a big heart and never leave anyone out.  I love hearing all of this, but it's a double-edged sword in that I know you can behave, but can't figure out why you won't for me.  Luckily, it comes in waves and you'll have a few good days every now and then.  For those, I occasionally reward you with "sleepover naps" aka, taking a nap with you.  Because I'm one of those super self-sacrificing moms ;)

A few stats at age 4:
height: 40.5"
sizes:  4T and 4 clothes, size 9 shoes

Self-reported favorites:
animal: cheetah
book: peep and ducky 
color:  pink
movie: Inside Out
show: Peppa Pig
activity:  hide and seek
best friend: Emma 
outfit: Frozen dress
food: chicken noodles and soup
my hero: mommy

What I want to be when I grow up: a pharmacist 
What I want to learn when I'm 4: to roller skate 
What I can do now that I'm 4: take care of my sister
drawing of me: 

Happy birthday, little lady! Love you lots.

Love,

Mama

Hunt for the Miracle Hand Cream

Every winter, I struggle with dry, cracked hands.  It's a combination of dry air, working with my hands and lots of paper, and washing them like crazy in an effort to minimize sharing all my patients cough/cold/flu germs this time of year.  After using this Vaseline hand cream for the last couple years (and loving it), it just wasn't working this season.  Perhaps my skin has changed, or maybe it's just not cutting it anymore.  Either way, I was on the hunt for a new hand cream, especially to have at work.  Like any good millennial would do, I asked the Facebook world for recommendations.  And, just like I knew they would, several of my friends came to my aid with recommendations.  Here are a few of them that I've tried so far:  (I ended up stopping after 5 because I found some I really liked!)

Holiday Memories 2015

Sorry, girls, but I haven't gotten around to much blogging lately.  We've still been cooking like crazy (just not as many new recipes), and traveling here and there and everywhere for all the holidays.  I just can't keep up!  But I did remember to jot down a few memories from Annalyn's 4th and Emelina's 2nd Christmas (spoiler alert:  they are not all sugarplums and candy canes.  You two are maniacs these days and take turns challenging us at every turn.) In sort of random order, not even chronologic... see previous sentence for reasoning:

-Annalyn's first Christmas program - Ok, so there really is nothing cuter than putting 30 preschoolers on a stage to sing Christmas songs.  You loved every second of it and belted out every word.  Between songs you started the always fun trend of "Hi, Grandma! Hi, Daddy!" (That's right, no shout out for Mama...)  Afterwards we all had cookies that I got to come help bake with your class the day before and the kids enjoyed a visit from Santa.

 

-First time either of the girls met Santa - for one reason or another, you girls had never seen Santa before Annalyn's Christmas program, so it was a big surprise when he showed up with presents for all the kids and siblings.  Annalyn shocked us all and got scared when you was sitting with your class and Santa reached over you to hand a present to another kid.  Usually, you are fearless when it comes to social interaction, but a big guy, red suit, room packed full of people you don't know - I get it!  Emma did better than we expected, and while neither of you wanted to sit on his lap, you both thanked him for the gift, gave a high five, and took a candy cane when he offered.  Good enough for me, girls!

running to see Santa!

-Annalyn running downstairs to try to see Santa - This had to be one of the cutest moments of Christmas for us.  Not long after we tucked you in tight and reinforced the need to go to sleep so Santa could come, we heard you throw open the door, sprint down the stairs, into the kitchen, then back into the living room, frantically trying to catch a peek of Santa.  Daddy and I were in the office looking at pictures we'd taken from Christmas Eve, so we heard more than we saw.  Your eyes were wild with excitement, and it was obvious that sleep would take a while, but eventually you gave in so that Santa could make his stop and enjoy what was left of the cookies (although you and Emma ate most of Rudolph's carrots).

I would like to caption this one, "the bulldog and the Grinch"

2015 Christmas Card Letter

Merry Christmas, everyone!

It's that holly jolly time of year when I take a minute (or two or twenty...) to reflect on the year and the coming holiday season.  Last Christmas was our first as a family of four, and aside from being completely overwhelmed and exhausted, it was wonderful.  Emma started crawling on Christmas Eve after posing with a carrot and realizing her sister had a plate of cookies (talk about motivation!).  Annalyn was finally starting to understand some of the magic and joy of the season, and made it so special for all of us.

Banoffee Pudding

Remember this crazy delicious banoffee pie that I made (and then made again about 823,304,329 times...)?  Well, when we had an abundance of ripe bananas, I decided to make banana pudding. You know, the traditional wafer cookie, banana slices, and pudding all layered together in a pretty trifle bowl.  Then I added cinnamon to the cream before I whipped it, because well, who doesn't like a little cinnamon with everything banana (really? Just me?).  That one little change instantly reminded us of my cinnamon whipped cream topped banoffee pie.  So I did what any self-respecting cook would do - I made another batch and tweaked it some more until this recipe was born.  Instead of plain sweetened condensed milk, I used dulce de leche (or in my case, boiled sweetened condensed milk for about 2 hours until it made dulce de leche).  Again, I added some cinnamon to the cream and layered in some mini chocolate chips.  It was heavenly.  Go ahead, try it - here's how Mama makes it:

Banoffee Pudding

Ingredients:

- 1 large package instant vanilla pudding (about 2/3 c. mix)

- 1 1/2 c. water

- 1 (14 oz) can dulce de leche* 

- 3 c. heaving whipping cream

- 1 t. cinnamon

- 1 box vanilla wafers

- 5 ripe bananas, sliced

- 1/3 c. mini chocolate chips

*(or sweetened condensed milk, boiled in the can for 2-2.5 hours)